just amy...

ames, mama, mama 2, michelle, baby, chef, lesbin (not a typo), keebler, bitch-hole (from my brother)...these are just a few of the names that amy michelle harris will respond to...this year has brought big changes to my relationship with amy...all for the better, i might add...but the one thing that has not changed (and never will) is how much i rely on her...

my family is going through some issues right now that i won't go into here...some issues that have kicked me in the gut and dropped me to my knees...and while most people are telling me not to cry and be strong, amy is the one who is holding me while i cry and picking me up when i fall...she silently reaches her hand out to mine and lets me breakdown...i don't know if it's because she doesn't know what to say and do or if it's because she knows better than to tell me how to feel...either way i don't care...

i didn't see the changes coming and i was totally not prepared for any of them...many of these changes involved my relationship with amy...but through it all, amy has been the one who keeps me going...i'm not quite sure how i would have survived this past week without her...

so - ames, mama, chef - i love you and thank you for being such a huge part of my life...i know it's different from what we thought it would be, but i love you very much and could not imagine my life without you...

go on with your honky ass!!!

just francis...

a few months ago my brother heard about a stray dog that had appeared at somebody's house...this poor little guy (who they called 'stranger') was pretty bad off...he had mange and scabs and sores all over his poor little body...he didn't look good...we drove out to bfe to meet him and just the sight of him made me want to cry...

but the best thing about him was that he didn't care that he smelled bad and was pretty nasty looking...he was just happy to be alive...so my brother took him home that day...he bathed him every other day with special 'mange shampoo' and nursed him back to health...now he's a happy, healthy, horny little boy...

he still had his 'manhood' when johnny got him...and every time johnny had an appointment to snip him, something came up that required the money he had set aside...finally tuesday was the day...so while i sit at the pub drinking my tuesday beers i get this text -

"This bitch was all nice and shit then she gave me a roofie and cut off my balls! - francis"

a still want to know how he used the phone without thumbs...

just my sissy...

for those of you who haven't had the pleasure of meeting my brother - you don't know what you are missing...he is one of the funniest people i have ever met...he also has the same fucked up sense of humor as i do, so he doesn't judge my jacked up remarks about dead people, or old people, or religion, or any of the many things i make fun of...so with that being said i offer you this little bit of his mind...


From:
John Breier [john.breier@gmail.com]
Sent: 7/12/2009 7:45:31 PM
To: Jessica Breier; Amy Harris:
Subject: Dinner

Don't put jalapeno in your hamburger helper, it will make you shart..............

just an open letter...

i will always remember the first night we met...
i will always remember every night we spent together at mia's listening to mother jane...
i will always remember the dinners at charlie browns...
i will always remember helping you create and manage your very first website...
i will always remember dragging you to hockey games with my family...
i will always remember you dropping paint on my mom's hallway carpet...
i will always remember the hard boiled egg you shoved in my face...
i will always remember coming home to you making a big pot of chili in a house you didn't even live in...
i will always remember falling in love with you and not being able to admit it to anyone, not even myself...
i will always remember the drive back from buddha belly when i finally admitted i was falling in love with you...
i will always remember laying in bed, with my heart pounding so hard you thought i was having a heart attack and asking you to marry me...
i will always remember where we were exactly 7 years ago today...
i will always remember the week we spent in the cabin in michigan, just you and i...
i will always remember needing you so much when my mom died that i could feel it all the way down to my toes...
i will always remember how i needed you when my grandmother died a year later...
i will always remember how i needed you another year later when my cousin died...
i will always remember how i needed you when we found out my father had prostate cancer...
i will always remember the night i realized that we shouldn't be in a relationship anymore...
i will always remember how it felt like mike tyson had punched me in the stomach when we both said it out loud...

the one thing that i don't have to remember is my love for you...you don't remember love...it just is...my love for you is not something that i have to remember...it just is...it has come into my life and it will never go away...as difficult as this is for both of us, we will get through it...with love...for and from each other...for and from our family...for and from our friends...

just a thursday night...

and then amy and i danced naked in the rain...

just a conversation...

an actual im conversation with my wife this morning at work...word for word...

Jessica says:
so how much money do you think all of our stuff is worth? sell it and take off with the babies whaddya think?
Amy says:
i don't think it's worth enough to pay everybody off and get very far... unless you turn to prostitution
Jessica says:
well that won't get us ANY money
Amy says:
might get us some hot dogs though
Jessica says:
and who said anything about paying everybody off?
Amy says:
if i've learned anything, it is that no matter how far you think you've run, they always catch up...
Jessica says:
i meant take off and not look back find some woods and build us a cabin
Amy says:
i have to poop

just exhibits a and b...

the following is an actual excerpt from a nina totenberg interview on npr...


prosecutor: what county do you currently reside in?
witness: northern garrard county
prosecutor: isn't it true that it sucks to live so far out and away from lexington?
witness: can i enter into evidence exhibits a and b?


exhibit a: the view from our front porch...
exhibit b: the view from our backyard

so it didn't really happen like that, but people ask me all the time about living so far out and away from lexington...i think i might keep these pictures on me so that i can just whip them out whenever anybody asks me...