just "eryca said what?"...(a series)

this is eryca...

she's the drunk one... oh sorry - the drunk one in the middle... she's wildly inappropriate and hilariously funny all at the same time... so i've decided that i will try to keep up with some of the funny shit she says and post it here on a weekly basis...

i submit for you - the first "eryca said what?"

'if we would have known that you were going to be this stupid, we would have just smothered you at birth.'

god only knows what we were talking about at the time, but i believe that she put into words what we have all thought at least one point in our life...

just lust....

it's been 47 hours since i last touched my lips to you...

it's been 47 hours since i last held you in my hands...

it's been 47 hours since i breathed you in and you became part of me...

it's been 47 hours and i still reach for you...

it's been 47 hours and i can still smell you every where i turn...

it's been 47 hours and you still find a way to creep into my mind...

it's been 47 hours since my last cigarette...

what did you think i was talking about???

just football...

so i say 'go jets'
amy says 'go colts'
johnny says 'go breakfast at tiffany's...it's on today at 4'

i guess we all have something to look forward to on sunday afternoons...

just dad...

john, jay, dad, grampa (only by the dogs, but it still counts), big papa, pops, senior, chief...these are just a few of the names that john nicholas breier will respond to...right now i prefer to call him Superman...because my dad is fucking awesome!!!

dad was diagnosed with esophageal cancer a week before christmas...(damnit!!!)so with that in mind johnny and i went christmas shopping for dad...we found a pair of 'tighty whiteys' with the Superman logo on them...unfortunately they only had huge fat man and little boy sizes...but we knew then what we were looking for...we were able to find him a Superman t-shirt and LAC gave him a Superman pin to wear to the first doctor appointment...that way the cancer would know that he was gonna kick the shit out of it...

for those of you who don't know my dad, let me give you a brief description of him...imagine me - but with more hair and a slightly higher sperm count...i have been daddy's little girl since the beginning...i was such a tomboy growing up (i know it's hard to imagine) and i hurt myself A LOT...but i didn't run to mom, i ran to my daddy...and he somehow always made it feel better...in junior and senior high school he NEVER missed any of my basketball games...at age 19, when i came out to him and mom, he said 'sweet, now we can go to the titty bars together'...when amy and i had only been married for a month and it came time to make a decision about mom's medical care - my brother, my dad and myself sequestored ourselves away from the rest of the family...dad looked at me and my brother and said 'where's amy???she's a part of this family and has a say about this too'...we have spent countless hours together at the pub talking about nothing and everything all at the same time...pretty much the best way to describe my dad is 'fucking awesome' (as i've said before)

in the past few weeks i've found myself using words i hoped i would never have to use in my life...words like chemotherapy, radiologist and feeding tube...but these are the facts of life (and not the good kind with joe and tootie)...this is what my dad and my family are up against...but i KNOW how strong my dad is...and i KNOW the power of positive thought...and although i don't believe in prayer and religion - i'll take whatever we can get at this point...when dad told me he had cancer, as my hands were shaking so bad i couldn't even write, he told me 'i'll fight this like a mother fucker'...ummm duh...

some men become fathers by mistake...some fathers don't ever become men...my dad is a father and a great man because he WANTS to be...for better or worse, he is the reason i am who i am today and i couldn't imagine it any other way...

dad - i love you...i know you'll beat this...not because you have to, but because you want to...

just amy...

ames, mama, mama 2, michelle, baby, chef, lesbin (not a typo), keebler, bitch-hole (from my brother)...these are just a few of the names that amy michelle harris will respond to...this year has brought big changes to my relationship with amy...all for the better, i might add...but the one thing that has not changed (and never will) is how much i rely on her...

my family is going through some issues right now that i won't go into here...some issues that have kicked me in the gut and dropped me to my knees...and while most people are telling me not to cry and be strong, amy is the one who is holding me while i cry and picking me up when i fall...she silently reaches her hand out to mine and lets me breakdown...i don't know if it's because she doesn't know what to say and do or if it's because she knows better than to tell me how to feel...either way i don't care...

i didn't see the changes coming and i was totally not prepared for any of them...many of these changes involved my relationship with amy...but through it all, amy has been the one who keeps me going...i'm not quite sure how i would have survived this past week without her...

so - ames, mama, chef - i love you and thank you for being such a huge part of my life...i know it's different from what we thought it would be, but i love you very much and could not imagine my life without you...

go on with your honky ass!!!

just francis...

a few months ago my brother heard about a stray dog that had appeared at somebody's house...this poor little guy (who they called 'stranger') was pretty bad off...he had mange and scabs and sores all over his poor little body...he didn't look good...we drove out to bfe to meet him and just the sight of him made me want to cry...

but the best thing about him was that he didn't care that he smelled bad and was pretty nasty looking...he was just happy to be alive...so my brother took him home that day...he bathed him every other day with special 'mange shampoo' and nursed him back to health...now he's a happy, healthy, horny little boy...

he still had his 'manhood' when johnny got him...and every time johnny had an appointment to snip him, something came up that required the money he had set aside...finally tuesday was the day...so while i sit at the pub drinking my tuesday beers i get this text -

"This bitch was all nice and shit then she gave me a roofie and cut off my balls! - francis"

a still want to know how he used the phone without thumbs...

just my sissy...

for those of you who haven't had the pleasure of meeting my brother - you don't know what you are missing...he is one of the funniest people i have ever met...he also has the same fucked up sense of humor as i do, so he doesn't judge my jacked up remarks about dead people, or old people, or religion, or any of the many things i make fun of...so with that being said i offer you this little bit of his mind...


From:
John Breier [john.breier@gmail.com]
Sent: 7/12/2009 7:45:31 PM
To: Jessica Breier; Amy Harris:
Subject: Dinner

Don't put jalapeno in your hamburger helper, it will make you shart..............